Through the gospel, the foundational G, the Lord enables us to live out the Four G's of peacemaking. As we stand in awe of his matchless grace, we find more joy in glorifying God than in pursuing our own selfish ends. When we realize that God has mercy on those who confess their sins, our defensiveness lifts and we are able to admit our wrongs. As we accept and benefit from the way the gospel lovingly shows us our sin, we are inspired to gently correct and restore others who have done wrong. And as we rejoice in the liberating forgiveness of God, we are empowered to go and forgive others in the same way. Through the gospel, God provides both the model and motivation for peacemaking!

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) pp. 13-14

Food For Thought...

From The University of Salsa comes the following definition of clave: "Clave rhythm is the basis of Afro-Latin musical styles and is considered the key, the identity, the root, and the 'soul' of the music. It is the temporal key, the main organizing principle, to which every element of arrangement and improvisation in the music must be aligned. The clave rhythm pattern ('La Clave' in Spanish) is therefore embedded in all parts of a piece, from vocals to violins, whether the instrument...is actually played, or not ('implied clave'). Clave is the primary rule and the chief factor that defines all the music called 'Salsa.' Most musically connected, authentic, or culturally/traditionally trained dancers use the clave rhythm as a focus or "metronome" in salsa music to stay in time to the foundation and 'soul' of the music, allowing for a natural appearance and rhythmic, free expression of the music."

When biblical peacemaking is practiced by someone who has not drunk deeply and personally (and recently) of the grace of God, the result is a "chalky aftertaste" for everyone involved. It's like salsa dancing with someone who went to a class and learned all the steps but who doesn't feel "la clave". The key to successful peacemaking isn't certification through Peacemaker Ministries; it's having your heart pierced regularly by "la clave" of the gospel.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man... Matt. 7:24

As Paul warned the Philippians, we cannot change unless we put what we are learning into practice (Phil. 4:9). In other letters, he used athletic metaphors to teach that godly character qualities must be developed through disciplined practice in which we seek to overcome our weaknesses, master the proper techniques, and make a desired behavior natural and automatic (1 Cor. 9:24-27; Phil. 3:14; 2 Peter 1:4-8). As we have seen, conflict provides excellent opportunities for such practice. When an argument develops, give close attention to controlling your tongue. When your desires clash with another's, recall Jesus' example and willingly submit. Or, if you have been offended, ask God to help you resist resentment and forgive as he has forgiven you. With God's help and faithful practice, you can develop a Christ-like character, which will demonstrate your repentance and enable you to enjoy the benefits of peace.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 135

Food For Thought...

Can you imagine what would happen in a game if a football team never practiced? Players would run wild, unsure of where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to do. It would be a comedy of errors, with each player relying on his own instincts to try to succeed, but failing miserably.

Is that an apt description of what happens when you get into a conflict situation? A comedy of errors? Relying on your instincts? Failing miserably? As Ken notes, maybe you could use some disciplined practice.

The professional football season is now coming to a climax, but the hard work for today's best teams began long ago. Champions were forged during the long hot days of summer, practicing in their training camps. They took what was written in their playbooks and worked it out on the practice field, even though their first real game would not be played for weeks. Yet the work they put in paid off later in those critical moments -- with their techniques mastered, doing the right thing had become second nature.

If only Christians put that kind of disciplined effort into developing our own characters. Let us learn the "playbook" of God's word and put it into practice in our own relationships and churches, so that when conflicts come, we'll be ready, and our natural response will be to do the right thing -- exactly what God desires.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

Paul also understood that God has given us divine weapons to use in our quest for peace. These weapons include Scripture, prayer, truth, righteousness, the gospel, faith, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Eph. 6:10-18; Gal. 5:22-23).

To many people, these resources and qualities seem feeble and useless when dealing with "real" problems. Yet these are the very weapons Jesus used to defeat Satan and to conquer the world (e.g., Matt. 4:1-11; 11:28-30; John 14:15-17). Since Jesus chose to use these weapons instead of resorting to worldly weapons, we should do the same.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 248

Food For Thought...

What weapons do you tend to use when you are in a conflict? When we finally decide to reconcile with an enemy, we sometimes approach them with an attitude of "dropping our weapons". But Jesus never calls us to be unarmed or passive among our enemies. To the contrary, he calls us to lay down our ineffective worldly weapons (like defensiveness, anger, self-justification, and gossip) in order to take up the truly heavy artillery (like love, peace, patience, kindness, and self-control). Take time today to read Romans 12:14-21 and resolve to take up again the weapons for which the Lord sacrificed so much to equip you.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21

Peacemaking does not always go as easily as we would like it to. Although some people will readily make peace, others will be stubborn and defensive and resist our efforts to be reconciled. Sometimes they will become even more antagonistic and find new ways to frustrate or mistreat us. Our natural reaction is to strike back at such people, or at least to stop doing anything good to them. However, Jesus calls us to take a remarkably different course of action: "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ... Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:27-28, 35-36).

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 247

Food For Thought...

Think about someone who could be
described by one of the following:

Maybe someone pops right to mind. Or maybe it's a little hard to identify one (though "someone who mistreats you" is quite a one-size-fits-all descriptor of a person who make your life difficult). But in each case, Jesus has called us to this "remarkably different course of action." He calls us to love, do good, bless, and pray. But in our own strength, this command is impossible to obey. Pray that God would give you a special measure of grace today to overcome evil with good, even when it seems the most difficult thing in the world to actually do.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

When someone has wronged you, it is also helpful to remember that God is sovereign and loving. Therefore, when you are having a hard time forgiving that person, take time to note how God may be using the offense for good. Is this an unusual opportunity to glorify God? How can you serve others and help them grow in their faith? What sins and weaknesses of yours are being exposed for the sake of your growth? What character qualities are you being challenged to exercise? When you perceive that the person who has wronged you is being used as an instrument in God's hand to help you mature, serve others, and glorify him, it may be easier for you to move ahead with forgiveness.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 216

Food For Thought...

Conflict, along with trials, suffering, loss, and other hardships, can be what God uses to bring the most good in our own lives or in the lives of those around us. It's often the most painful events of life that bring the biggest harvest.

Harvest is a prominent topic at this time of year. Here in Montana, the sugar beet and wheat

harvest is taking place, and by all reports, this year will bring a good harvest. The hard work of tilling, planting, and watering through the year is finally coming to a fruitful end.

In the same way, God brings us through the times of conflict, trial, or suffering that can bring a great harvest. Yes, it's work; often it involves hours (or months) of tears, heartache, and discipline, but the ultimate reward is one of becoming more like Christ. In these situations, God gives us opportunities to glorify him, to serve others, to be a part of what he is doing, and even to receive personal reward. Yet in our stubbornness, our refusal to forgive, or our demand to be right or vindicated, we fail to seize those opportunities. We miss the very harvest for which we've toiled.

The sowing, the tending, and the harvest all depend on each other--one could not happen without the other. But we are promised that "Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness" (James 3:18). May your harvest be a great one as you sow peace in the midst of the conflicts you face.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

It is important to emphasize the fact that idols can arise from good desires as well as wicked desires. It is often not what we want that is the problem, but that we want it too much. For example, it is not unreasonable for a man to want a passionate sexual relationship with his wife or for a mother to want to stay at home with a newborn baby. Nor is it wrong for an employer to want diligent workers or for a pastor to desire respect from his deacons. These are good desires, but if they turn into demands that must be met in order for us to be satisfied and fulfilled, they can lead to bitterness, resentment, or self-pity that can destroy a family, business, or church.

How can you discern when a good desire might be turning into a sinful demand? You can begin by prayerfully asking yourself "X-ray" questions that reveal the true condition of your heart.

Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises:

By making and keeping these promises, you can tear down the walls that stand between you and your offender. You promise not to dwell on or brood over the problem or to punish by holding the person at a distance. You clear the way for your relationship to develop unhindered by memories of past wrongs. This is exactly what God does for us, and it is what he calls us to do for others

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) pp. 209

Food For Thought...

Do you sometimes find yourself breaking (or tempted to break) one or more of the Four Promises of Forgiveness sometime after you make them? That's a very normal experience--and, believe it or not, it's an invitation from God to draw closer to him. The key is remembering and applying Hebrews 9:22. That verse tells us that in the universe there is only one source of durable forgiveness: the Cross of Christ. "Without the shedding of blood," the verse says, "there is no forgiveness."

For a time, we may be able to forgive someone out of our own willpower or our human desire for reconciliation, but eventually even our best efforts will buckle (yes, even when they're buoyed up by the Four Promises). If we want our forgiveness of others to "stick", we ourselves need to "stick" continually--to the Cross. So when you sense a long-buried hatchet rising to the surface, don't dwell on those thoughts. Instead, dwell on Christ's forgiveness of your own sin. The more real that becomes for you, the less real temptations toward unforgiveness will be.
.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

To understand what forgiveness is, we must first see what it is not. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is an act of the will. Forgiveness involves a series of decisions, the first of which is to call on God to change our hearts. As he gives us grace, we must then decide (with our will) not to think or talk about what someone has done to hurt us. God calls us to make these decisions regardless of our feelings--but these decisions can lead to remarkable changes in our feelings.

Second, forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgetting is a passive process in which a matter fades from memory merely with the passing of time. Forgiving is an active process; it involves a conscious choice and a deliberate course of action. To put it another way, when God says that he "remembers your sins no more" (Isa. 43:25), he is not saying that he cannot remember our sins. Rather, he is promising that he will not remember them. When he forgives us, he chooses not to mention, recount, or think about our sins ever again. Similarly, when we forgive, we must draw on God's grace and consciously decide not to think or talk about what others have done to hurt us. This may require a lot of effort, especially when an offense is still fresh in mind. Fortunately, when we decide to forgive someone and stop dwelling on an offense, painful memories usually begin to fade.

Finally, forgiveness is not excusing. Excusing says, "That's okay," and implies, "What you did wasn't really wrong," or "You couldn't help it." Forgiveness is the opposite of excusing. The very fact that forgiveness is needed and granted indicates that what someone did was wrong and inexcusable. Forgiveness says, "We both know that what you did was wrong and without excuse. But since God has forgiven me, I forgive you." Because forgiveness deals honestly with sin, it brings a freedom that no amount of excusing could ever hope to provide.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) pp. 206-207

Food For Thought...

Praise God for his gracious gift of forgiveness to us! The Scripture says "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Eph. 4:32, emphasis added) You will probably have an opportunity to extend forgiveness this week. When you do, try to remember what forgiveness is not, and fix your eyes on the full and gracious forgiveness that God has given you in Jesus Christ.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

God opposes the proud but give grace to the humble. James 4:6

When you need to show others their faults, do not talk down to them as though you are faultless and they are inferior to you. Instead, talk with them as though you are standing side by side at the foot of the cross. Acknowledge your present, ongoing need for the Savior. Admit ways that you have wrestled with the same or other sins or weaknesses, and give hope by describing how God has forgiven you and is currently working in you to help you change... When people see this kind of humility and common bond, they will be less inclined to react to correction with pride and defensiveness.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 172

Food For Thought...

Count the words you and your

in the paragraph before.

How many did you count? Nine? If there had been one or two uses of the wordsyou and your, it probably wouldn't have drawn any attention. But nine? That's enough where we need to stop, look, and listen. Ken is wisely sharing a beneficial approach to use when we need to show others their faults: talk about your own.

From our peers in the office to aging parents to the children at play in the backyard, nobody likes to be talked down to--nobody! Talking down usually invites a defensiveness that's hard to overcome. Side by side talking, however, lays a common ground that you and the other person can stand on. Interestingly enough, the root word for humility is humus, from which we get our word for ground. Being grounded, or humble, in our approach to these situations provides protection from the lightning bolts of pride and defensiveness.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

When Christians think about talking to someone else about a conflict, one of the first verses that comes to mind is Matthew 18:15: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you." If this verse is read in isolation, it seems to teach that we must always use direct confrontation to force others to admit they have sinned. If the verse is read in context, however, we see that Jesus had something much more flexible and beneficial in mind than simply standing toe to toe with others and describing their sins.

Just before this passage, we find Jesus' wonderful metaphor of a loving shepherd who goes to look for a wandering sheep and then rejoices when it is found (Matt. 18:12-14). Thus, Matthew 18:15 is introduced with a theme of restoration, not condemnation. Jesus repeats this theme just after telling us to "go and show him his fault" by adding, "If he listens to you, you
have won your brother over." And then he hits the restoration theme a third time in verses 21-35, where he uses the parable of the unmerciful

servant to remind us to be as merciful and forgiving to others as God is to us (Matt. 18:21-35).

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 144

Food For Thought...

Jesus is clearly calling for something much more loving and redemptive than simply confronting others with a list of their wrongs. He wants us to remember and imitate his shepherd love for us--seeking after others, helping them turn from sin, and helping them be restored to God and those they have offended. Have you ever heard others in a conflict say, "We followed the Matthew 18 process"? Have you said it yourself? Read all of Matthew 18 and ask the Lord to give you the heart of a shepherd who seeks and gently restores the lost sheep.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

Last week's issue of PeaceMeal focused on relying on God's grace when you need to make a confession in the midst of conflict. If it is difficult for you to identify and confess your wrongs, there are two things you can do. First, ask God to help you see your sin clearly and repent of it, regardless of what others may do (Ps. 139:23-24). Then prayerfully study his Word and ask him to show you where your ways have not lined up with his ways (Heb. 4:12). Second, ask a spiritually mature friend to counsel and correct you (Prov. 12:15; 19:20).

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 120

Food For Thought...

For some of you, it may feel more difficult to follow the second piece of the advice above. If so, reflect on this additional quote from The Peacemaker:

"The older I get, the less I trust myself to be objective when I am involved in a conflict. Time after time I have been blessed by asking a friend to candidly critique my role in a conflict. I have not always liked what my friends have said, but as I have humbled myself and submitted to their correction, I have always seen things more clearly."

May the Lord show you someone in your life who loves you enough to gently correct you.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

Whenever you are trying to show someone his fault, remember that there are limits to what you can accomplish. You can raise concerns, suggest solutions, and encourage reasonable thinking, but you cannot force change. God may use you as a spokesperson to bring certain issues to the attention of another person, but only God can penetrate the other person's heart and bring about repentance. Paul clearly describes this division of labor in 2 Timothy 2:24-26: "And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will".

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 182

Here's some biblical counsel: Stop!

You may want to take a moment to write these words down on a note card and tape it to your mirror so that you see it every morning:

MY JOB: To speak the truth in love
GOD'S JOB: To change people

Our sense of what's "workable" or "practical" may be our biggest enemy in biblical peacemaking. God doesn't call us to be peacemakers in a given situation because it "works" (though often it does--even in ways we can never imagine); God calls us to be peacemakers so that people can see Christ in us. So next time you're in a conflict and in thinking about peacemaking you find yourself tempted to say, "Well, that'll never work in this case!", remember the difference between God's job description and your own.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

As liberal segments of our society have perceived the growing influence of the “religious right”, or “evangelical voters”, in politics, they have adopted a strategy seeking to have the I.R.S. strip churches of tax exempt status claiming that churches are violating their tax exempt status with the I.R.S. The I.R.S. has issued letters to churches advising pastors that they and their church must refrain from being involved in anything having to do with politics. Several of you received such a letter in 2006.

As a requirement for federal tax exempt status, a church may “…Not participate in or intervene in (included the publishing or distributing of statements), any political campaign on behalf of any candidate for public office”.

Federal courts have held that “tax exemption is a privilege, a matter of grace rather than right”. The following activities are permitted according to the I.R.S. Tax Guide for Churches, Revenue Ruling, Internal Revenue News Release, and the FSA:

1. Provide a forum for all candidates to address the church;

2. Pastors and other church employees may make public comments in connection with political campaigns so long as the comments are not made at church facilities or in church publications, accompanied by a statement that the comments are strictly personal and not intended to represent the church;
3. A church invites all candidates for a political office to address the congregation and informs the congregation that the views expressed by each candidate are those of the candidate and not the church and that the church does not endorse any candidate;

4. The church provides opportunities for a candidate to speak in a non-candidate capacity and insures that the candidate speaks in such capacity, no reference is made to the person’s candidacy, and no campaign activity occurs;

5. A church may compile and distribute a compilation of voting records of legislators on major legislative issues so long as the publication contains no editorial opinion and its contents and structure do not imply approval or disapproval of any members or their voting records; and

6. Participate in neutral voter registration drives.

The following are clearly prohibited activities:
1. Making contributions to political campaigns;
2. Making public statements of position (verbal or written) in favor of or in opposition to candidates for office in official church publications or at official church functions;
3. Inviting only one candidate to address the congregation;
4. Distributing a voter’s guide containing questions demonstrating a bias on certain issues;
5. Endorsing one or more candidates;
6. Employees of a church engaging in campaign activities within the context of their employment activities in;
7. Engaging in fundraising on behalf of a candidate;
8. Issuing newspaper ads urging voters to vote for or against a candidate;
9. Maintaining a church website that contains information either supporting or opposing specific candidates, or contains a link to candidate-related material, if the circumstances indicate one or more candidates are supported or opposed.

“Faithfulness is not a matter of results; it is a matter of dependent obedience.” Ken’s statement boldly shows just how contrary the spiritual life is to what so many of us are living. In practically every area of our lives, results matter. Consider your job. It matters whether or not you complete a project by a due date or have your stats in place for the next project meeting. Consider your family. It matters whether or not your kids are bringing home A’s and B’s or C’s and D’s. Consider your physical health. It matters whether or not all your efforts on the treadmill are translating into a better heart rate or reduced waistline. Results matter. And of course, this mentality profoundly affects our churches. But this may be why true faith is so rare. It runs completely contrary to the way most of us spend our days. “Faithfulness is not a matter of results;

; it is a matter of dependent obedience.” Whoa! What was that word–dependent? Maybe that’s where the real rub begins, for faithfulness is about being dependent. Not a little bit. Not every once in a while. But daily, hourly, minute by minute.

When you check the boxes on your tax forms for dependents, you’re usually listing your children. Faithfulness is about becoming as a little child (dependent) and walking hand in hand with the Father. Jesus said something about that, didn’t he? And he added that those who didn’t approach him that way wouldn’t enter the Kingdom (Luke 18:17). Now that sounds like a result that really matters.

(Reprinted with permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

Have you ever heard someone say (or have you yourself said), “I have my rights–and it wouldn’t be just to let him off so easily. He doesn’t deserve it!”

This kind of thinking–focusing on our own rights–is pretty typical in conflicts. We think in black and white terms: “I’m right. He’s wrong.” And when we’re thinking about rights, we’re usually thinking about justice. We want justice. Now.

Of course, that justice is to be meted out on the other person. See, here’s the problem. We are quick to want justice to be executed on others, but slow to seek that same justice for ourselves. In that situation (and every situation, for that matter), our only hope is the gospel. When we

remember that we deserved justice but instead received abundant mercy, we are free to extend that abundant mercy to others. Praise the Lord that we do not receive what we truly deserve!

Yes, there are times to exercise rights. But there are also times to lay them down. Re-read the questions that Ken asks above. Then think about a situation you face where you are tempted to assert your rights. In doing so, can you honestly answer these questions in the affirmative? If not, then pray and consider how you might lay down your rights for God’s glory, imitating Christ, who lay down his rights (and his very life) for your sake.

(Reprinted with Permission from PeaceMaker Ministries)

Do you recall the Monica Lewinsky scandal with President Clinton? You may recall President Clinton made an “apology” on television. My wife and two sons watched his apology with me. When he was done we noted that President Clinton violated each of the Seven A’s of Confession outlined in Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker:

1. Address everyone involved
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe
3. Admit specifically
4. Acknowledge the hurt
5. Accept the consequences
6. Alter your behavior
7. Ask for forgiveness

Biblical confession is essential to conflict resolution and reconciliation.  Without Biblical confession, Biblical forgiveness cannot be given and received in order to restore the relationship or trust.

by Ken Sande, President of Peacemaker Ministries

Craig was well-equipped for teaching God’s Word. He was committed to Christ, thoroughly educated, solid in his doctrine, well read, loved to study Scripture, and could preach outstanding sermons Sunday after Sunday.

He also saw himself as a gifted pastor. He loved to discuss theology, debate doctrinal issues, and tell people how to apply the truth of God’s Word to everyday life. When people came to him with questions or problems, he prided himself on helping them to quickly get to the heart of the matter by identifying underlying sins in their lives and developing practical plans to grow in godliness.

The trouble was that as time went by, fewer and fewer people were coming to him for pastoral advice. He would have been shocked to learn that while most of the people in his church respected him as a gifted preacher, many had lost confidence that they could approach him safely with questions, personal problems, and especially criticism, no matter how graciously it was offered. So while Craig’s pulpit ministry seemed to be thriving, his pastoral ministry was withering day by day.

Jason, a pastor in another church, was flourishing in both his preaching and shepherding ministries. He loved to dig into God’s Word and prepare practical lessons and sermons, but he was equally passionate about coming alongside his people, understanding their struggles, and helping them live out the gospel in the issues of daily life. Like the apostle Paul, he had an “Acts 20:20 ministry,” teaching God’s Word “publicly and from house to house.” His people loved him, shared their struggles, ideas, and even their criticisms freely, and together they were growing in their love for God and their passion to build his church.

Craig and Jason shared many characteristics: excellent education, solid theology, and a passion to teach and preach. But there was one major difference between them: month in and month out, Jason’s flock had found him to be consistently approachable, while Craig’s congregation saw him as being so distant and above them that they gave up coming to him with their life concerns. Craig was a fine preacher, but he had failed to earn the relational passport needed to shepherd the flock God had entrusted to his care.

Countless leaders in other settings, whether the home, ministry, or workplace, fall into this same habit, which destroys their ability to lead and minister to other people.

Without a Passport, You Cannot Enter
A passport is an authorization to go somewhere. There is no more difficult place to enter than the inner life and deep struggles of another person. If you want people to welcome you into their world—their real, messy world, not the smiling façade we all put up—you must earn a relational passport.

In order to gain a passport into the lives and struggles of other people, you must relate to them in such a way that they would answer “yes” to three key questions, each of which contains a variety of sub-questions that roll around in the back of people’s minds:
Can I trust you? Will you maintain confidentiality? Will you lose respect for me or judge me if I allow you to see how badly I’ve blown it? Will you be gentle and patient even when I’m exasperating? Will you reject me if I don’t do everything right? Will you assume the best about me or will you jump to conclusions and blame me for all my problems? Can I trust you with the “fine china” of my life? Do you really care about me? Are you just politely tolerating me or fulfilling an obligation? Or do you really want to help me? Why? How could anyone love a person with such problems? Will you take time to listen to me? Do you care enough to push past my outer defenses and take time to help me sort out the tangled mess in my heart? Will you love me like Jesus does, even when I’m not very loveable? Can you actually help me? Are you competent to deal with my issues? How are you doing with your own challenges and struggles? Do you have a track record of successfully solving these kinds of problems? What kind of training or experience do you have? If this problem is beyond the two of us, do you have the humility and wisdom to help me find another person who has the experience I need?

Every time a leader engages people, he or she is either building or destroying passport. Use a counseling story as a sermon illustration without fully concealing the identity of the counselee's, and you’ve lost the trust of an entire congregation. Refer with mocking humor to a letter from a member, and you’ve signaled your entire flock not to share their concerns with you. Brush past a person who is clearly trying to catch your attention, and she may not reach out a second time. Jump to conclusions about the reasons for someone’s struggles, and the conversation will quickly come to an end. Give hurried or superficial advice and your people will look elsewhere next time.

But if you take time to be filled with the love of Christ and learn to look at your people with his eyes and care for them with his heart, they will grant you access to the deepest regions of their lives, opening opportunities for rich pastoral ministry.

The Characteristics of an Approachable Leader
One of the most effective ways to build passport with your people is to deliberately and persistently cultivate the image of being an “approachable leader.” An approachable leader makes people feel safe; they know they are welcome to come to you with questions, concerns, or even criticism. In order to gain this image and reputation, a leader needs to deliberately put off “passport killers” and cultivate attitudes and relational habits that encourage people to open up and draw near.

Maintain a “gentle authority slope.” The Bible teaches that God has established authority arrangements in the family, church, workplace, and in civil government to maintain peace and order. As Jesus warned in Mark 10:42-45, however, sin often tempts leaders to “lord it over” others by over-emphasizing their own authority and others’ responsibility to be submissive. As Jesus teaches, the best way to guard against this tendency is to cultivate the attitude of a servant, seeing oneself as being below rather than above others (vv. 43-45). As servant-leaders cultivate the Christ-like attitude described in passages like Philippians 2:1-11, they can replace the “steep slope” of authoritarianism with a “gentle authority slope” that is easy for people to climb and invites them to bring questions, concerns, and correction to a leader rather than letting something fester.

Fight pride and cultivate true humility. Leaders often have more training and experience than other people. This strength can easily become a weakness if a leader allows pride to produce a superior attitude that thoughtlessly rejects ideas, advice, or correction. As Andrew Murray writes, All want of love, all indifference to the needs, the feelings, the weakness of others; all sharp and hasty judgments and utterances, so often excused under the plea of being outright and honest; all manifestations of temper and touchiness and irritation; all feelings of bitterness and estrangement, have their root in nothing but pride, that ever seeks itself .[1]

Many leaders conceal a proud attitude under a demeanor of humility, which is not the same as actual humility. One of the many evidences of actual humility is the inclination to “consider others better than yourself,” which results in valuing their thoughts and interests as highly as your own (Phil. 2:3-4). A closely related evidence of humility is to sincerely welcome critique and correction, no matter who brings the “observation” (Prov. 13:10, 17:10). Therefore, wise leaders regularly meditate and pray about the “pride and humility” passages in Scripture (see Prov. 11:2, 19:20; Isa. 66:3; 1 Pet. 5:5-6), asking God to help them put off self-confidence, pride, and every hint of arrogance, and to put on a humility that genuinely welcomes questions, suggestions, criticism, and anything else that might aid us in the process of presenting ourselves before God as empty vessels, so that we might be utterly dependent on and fulfilled in him, which is the essence of true humility. [2]

Cultivate a Shepherd’s Heart. The sheer busyness of church or ministry work can easily cause leaders to become distracted or aloof, which will send the signal that troubled people should keep their distance. Therefore, spiritual leaders must constantly pray for God to give them the heart of a shepherd, which is beautifully described in passages like Isaiah 40:11: “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (see also Matt. 18:12-14). This kind of demeanor builds trust, promises safety, and invites people to draw near with their questions and concerns, rather than hiding them or broadcasting complaints to others. One way that I seek to apply this concept when engaging people under my care is to pray, “Lord, help me to serve so-and-so in such a way, that when she reads Isaiah 40:11 a month from now, she will say, ‘That’s how Ken treated me when I went to him with my concern.’” [3]

Guard against institutional dynamics that can undermine approachability. There are several dynamics in some church and denominational cultures that can aggravate a pastor’s tendency to be unapproachable. A culture that has a strong emphasis on theology and doctrine can produce “relationally challenged” leaders who prefer preparing sermons over engaging people (which is a tendency in my own denomination). Approachability can also be undermined by a culture or polity that minimizes congregational influence (“We lead, you implement”) or provides no meaningful accountability beyond a closely knit leadership circle in the local church. Such cultures can easily produce leaders who are not inclined to welcome ideas and suggestions from laity, admit areas of weakness or lack of competence, or be open to seeking counsel from outside the leadership circle. Similarly, a polity that fuels political maneuvering between competing cliques will usually produce leaders who are guarded in their relationships. None of these factors inevitably produces inaccessible or deficient leadership. [4] Humble and spiritually mature leaders (like Jason in my opening illustration) can counteract each of these institutional dynamics, but only if they are aware of these pitfalls and constantly vigilant against the way they can undermine approachability.

See God’s people as he does. One of the most effective antidotes to personal or institutional attitudes that undermine approachability is to

cultivate the habit of viewing the members of your church as God does: as people made “in the image of God” (Gen. 1:27), as “God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,” (Col. 3:12), as “a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God” (1 Pet. 2:9), as people who have been “lavished with all wisdom and understanding” (Eph. 1:8), who are filled with the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19) and are “competent to instruct one another” and “to judge … the things of this life” (Rom. 15:14; 1 Cor. 6:3). When leaders remember that these types of descriptive phrases apply to all of the saints, not just to ordained leaders, they will be more inclined to humbly welcome questions, suggestions, and even correction from anyone in whom Jesus’ Spirit dwells.

Send convincing signals that you have time for people. As busy as he was, Jesus had the remarkable ability to send constant signals that he had time for people. The Samaritan woman, the rich young man, Nicodemus, Mary and Martha … all of them sensed that they could ask for his time and not be brushed aside because he was too busy for them. There are many ways to send these kinds of signals. Explicit reassurances of interest and availability need to be reinforced by an unrushed demeanor, relaxed body language, asking questions and patiently listening to answers, and sometimes by pulling out your cell phone and asking your secretary to reschedule an appointment “because something important has come up.”

Be transparent. People are usually reluctant to share their problems with leaders who seem to have their lives so figured out that they would not be able to relate to someone who is struggling with uncertainty, failure, or sin. But when a leader imitates people like the apostle Paul (see Rom. 7:7-25; 1 Tim. 1:15-17), and talks openly about his own weaknesses and struggles, and God’s redeeming grace, his flock can approach him as a brother who will understand and have compassion on those who are walking a similar road.

Pick up on hints. Troubled people often hesitate to lay all of their concerns out at once. Instead, they will drop hints of an issue and wait to see how you respond. If you brush past their words, they will pull back into themselves and look elsewhere for a caring ear. But if you show concern for even the hint of distress (“How are you today?” “Oh, I’ve been better,” “What’s going on?” “Oh, it’s no big deal, just some problems with the kids” “Hey, I’m a parent too, and I know that can be a very big deal. Can I buy you a cup of coffee so you can tell me about it?”), people may let you in on the pivotal issues of their lives (“Well, last night my son made me so mad that I told him I could hardly wait for him to graduate and leave home. He didn’t come home from school today and we don’t know where he is”). Picking up on a small hint can lead to life-changing ministry.

See the good in others (even if it seems outweighed by the bad). People with problems or complaints are naturally defensive and sometimes offensive. As long as they feel vulnerable to being criticized, their walls will be up. One of the best ways to relieve tension or fear is to draw attention to the evidences of God’s grace in someone else’s life, even when serious sin is also evident. Here again the apostle Paul sets a superb example. Knowing that he must bring correction to the incredibly messed-up church in Corinth, he begins his first letter with these astonishing words:
“I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way–in all your speaking and in all your knowledge–because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful” (1 Cor. 1: 4-9; cf. Phil. 4:8-9).

When people know from experience that you prefer and delight to focus on God’s grace in their lives, they will be more willing to pull back the curtain on areas that need more of that grace.
Listen deeply before jumping to problem-solving. People often know what they should do to solve a problem, but sometimes they still need to lay the situation out before someone who will listen compassionately and make them feel that they have been heard and understood. Therefore, people are much more likely to open up to a leader who has developed the discipline of listening patiently and deeply, and offering solutions only after others have shared all they want to reveal and are ready to explore solutions (see Prov. 18:13).

Be quick to confess sins, whether large or small. When people confront a leader with a mistake or sin that is embarrassing or seems insignificant, natural defensiveness will often tempt the leader to minimize the wrong or explain it away. An insecure leader may even shift the focus to an improper attitude or perception in the accuser (“What is going on in your heart that would cause you to find fault with me?”). This type of response will either provoke a debate or stifle discussion, both of which will confirm that it is a waste of time to approach that leader. Therefore, a wise leader will listen patiently to complaints, pray for God’s help in discerning any truth in them, even if only a grain, and then model humility by sincerely confessing that wrong and thanking the brother or sister for drawing it to his attention (see Matt. 7:3-4; Prov. 15:32, 17:10; see the article “The Cross and Criticism,” which is also available in booklet form).

Be slow to confront sin in others. When people are confused, suffering, dissatisfied, or feeling they have been wronged, they have often contributed to their problem in some way; it is equally likely that they may speak sinfully as they unload their complaints to others. Unless there is a clear danger of irreparable harm, it is usually helpful to give people uninterrupted time to get their thoughts and feelings out in the open, even if they are tainted with sin, so that you can accurately discern the issues that are burdening them. Once you have demonstrated your concern and compassion through patient listening, people will generally be more open to hearing words of counsel or correction (see John 4:1-30).
Make yourself truly accountable to others. If people believe that they will have to convince you all on their own that you are wrong about something, they may not even try to speak to you, especially if you have strong verbal skills. But if they know that you are accountable to other leaders in the church, who can be called in to help address unresolved issues, most people will be more inclined make the attempt to engage you on points of concern or disagreement. Therefore, a wise leader will make an earnest effort to demonstrate that he or she is genuinely accountable to other leaders who have the strength and willingness to deal candidly and thoroughly with questionable issues in his life (see the companion article, “Accountability: The Mark of a Wise and Protected Leader”).

Get an “Approachability Checkup.”
Even when leaders sincerely want to be approachable, they are often blind to the ways that they push people away. (This is certainly true of me!) If you have the courage to learn how approachable you are, there are several tests you can take.

First, read through this article a second time and ask God to help you evaluate yourself on each of the listed characteristics.

Second, give your spouse and children a copy of this article and ask them to give you feedback on each of the qualities listed above. Encourage them to give you specific examples of your strengths or weaknesses in each area.

Third, meet with your leadership team and assess your institutional culture, asking whether any of the polity or cultural dynamics described above may be undermining your approachability. Then evaluate yourselves as individuals and as a team, giving thanks for good examples of approachability and confessing areas of weakness.

Fourth, have the courage to go beyond your inner circle and ask for input from people who have the courage to tell you things , like the Sunday school teacher who always questions your ideas, or the member who has been cool since that meeting in your office a few months ago. (Every time I’ve done this exercise myself, I have been convicted to learn that others don’t see me as being nearly as approachable as I imagine they do.) [5]

Fifth, if you (either individually or as a leadership team) want truly candid and inhibited feedback, provide a way for people to communicate their thoughts to you without fear of later being reproached or marginalized for saying something that you may not like to hear. One way to do this is to commission one or two uniformly trusted members in your church or ministry to meet with a variety of people and listen to their candid feedback on your approachability, with the assurance that their comments will be presented to you as a composite rather than being identified with specific individuals. Although this approach falls short of the ideal of forthright individual communication, it follows a well established biblical principle of having mediators diffuse intimidating encounters (Ex.20:18-19; 1 Sam. 19:1-6; 1 Tim. 2:5) and will usually provide much more robust, specific, and reliable information by not putting individuals in a threatening position.

Finally, ask God to help you take others’ insights and advice to heart. Confess specific failures to individuals you’ve offended. If God opens your eyes to a pattern of weaknesses that have impacted many people, ask him to give you the humility and courage to confess to that entire group. If this requires confessing to an entire congregation, you may be able to do so as part of a sermon on “The Grace of Christ-Like Approachability” (which is a quality that every Christian should cultivate, especially if they are in a position of authority, whether in the family, church, or workplace) .Becoming an approach-able leader and earning passport into others’ lives is no easy task. The very qualities that cause others to recognize a person as a leader can also result in an image or demeanor that keeps others closed off and distant. No one was more likely to have such an aura than Jesus. Yet his humility, love, and desire to connect intimately with others were so strong that people were constantly drawn into the safety of his presence and desirous of having him enter deeply into their lives. If you are a leader, I encourage you to make it your life-long pursuit to draw on God’s grace and develop this same approachability in your life.

I am frequently asked whether a church must file an application with the taxing authorities for tax exempt status. The answer to this question is both simple and complex. The purpose of this article is to summarize the law on this issue.
With respect to the general exemption for churches from federal income taxes, churches are identified under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code as an exempt organization. In Section 508 of the Tax Reform Act of 1969 an organization is required to give notice to the I.R.S. by filing Form 1023. However, Section 508(c) states churches are exempt from having to file Form 1023 with the I.R.S. to obtain tax exempt status.

This issue is important, particularly for newly formed churches. Today there are substantial filing fees imposed by the I.R.S. for simply filing Form 1023. This may be a cost for a new church is not in a position to bear. Further, experience indicates many new churches struggle for a period of time and then cease to exist. If the church has filed a Form 1023 with the I.R.S., then it creates additional work to be done in the event a church should cease to exist.

A related question is whether a church needs to incorporate in order to obtain tax exempt status. The answer is clearly “no” with respect to the I.R.S. The I.R.S. Internal Revenue Manual states

that the typical non-profit association formed under a constitution or by-laws, with elected officers empowered to act for it, would be treated as a corporation. I.R.M. Section 7.25.3.2.3 (1999). This is important for new churches and/or small churches that may not wish to incur the costs of establishing a corporation under Pennsylvania law. If the church should cease to exist, a lot more work and cost is required to dissolve a corporation as compared to an unincorporated association.

If a church is seeking exemption from Pennsylvania taxes, a church must file Form 100. This is especially true if a church wishes to obtain exemption from sales taxes. If a church has filed Form 1023 with the I.R.S. and received a determination letter, a church may submit this with Form 100 to the Department of Revenue. Otherwise, additional portions of Form 100 have to be completed and copies of the governing documents of the church sent to the Department of Revenue.

With respect to real estate taxes, the Pennsylvania constitution and the Revenue Code specifically provide for exemption. However, if the property acquired by a church has not previously been used as a church, the church needs to file an exemption application.